Give Me A Job – The Most Amazing Job Application Ever

Here’s a copy of a real job application letter received this year by recruiters at one top Wall Street firm. (hereisthecity.com)  

‘Greetings from Takijistan!

I am wishing of coming to your great street in the wall to work in bank for investments. My experieence is nice. My uncle had freind who held golfing sticks for Jimmey the Cayne in rounds when bank was dying. My father knows Sir Eliot Spitzer’s girl nice well. Very, very preety, but worth nothing to lose big top job for. Big shame that. At school my teecher always siad that I know price of everytinge and value of nothinge, just like your traders of the subprime.

I never lie. I forget easy and in my country that is not for good. If they catch you in lie in Takijistan, they do terrable things too you with electric sticke. I had problam with the walkings for a little time, but I recover good now well. Not all do well after electric sticke, especial if many stickeings take.

I am wanting to be trader. In markeet, I always get good price. I never misprice, as I don’t know how to do math – see, I have much in commun with your risky peeple. If trader jobs are finished, I could do risky as good.

My friende says you have lost plenty money by your tradings. I am sorrey for that. Perhaps I come and trade nothing – then you lose no money. Already I have good ideas to run your bank. Tell traders to stop losings. I can bring electric sticke.

I here about your bare stearn. Good that your government covers it with much guarantee. In my countrie, the poorings people pay all the bills for the rich too, so your grate countrie is the same. It is good to be at top in your bank. I want to be near top. To take much money when there is none for the rest is my dream. God bless yourr aMERICA.

Your sytem is also good – the politic. A black and woman for top job is nicely. In Takijistan we love Oprah Winfrey to. Sometimes the fat girl, sometimes the thin is very good. You are true free peeple. Even I here your bankers are in streete with sign looking for good jobs. In your aMERICA they don’t knock on door in night if you beg on streete, and you are not taken away off to see family again never. americans just laugh ha-ha and call loser for poor the peeple with no jobs. I want to be loser in aMERICA some day. But now just I want job. If your jobs are finished, do you know place for job signs pleese ? I like ha-ha too.

I hope your bank is prosper and you have good job for me. My father says he knows you will give me good proper job. He says to tell you he now owns 15% of your stocke equity and will buy much more when you make more big losings soon. He has many electric sticke now and most money in all Takijistan .

I will be arrivings next weak. If no job, please send money immediately. Do not defer if I am not to make it in staff (like bonus, which now comes never). If cash is short just sell more housings of your trailer trash poorings people and send mee quick fast.

I am your servant, and my father is your boss top soon now.

Thanks to you for understandings.
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God save the Bank where he is hired him, especially in today’s times of Inflation and Job Cuts everywhere.

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